Farming while married
They say running a business with a partner is like being in another marriage, except for it’s really not, unless you’re actually married. The communication required might look the same in both scenarios, but in our case, we actually do get in the same bed every night, parent the kids together, clean the house, pay the bills… you get the idea.
When we started our flower farming “project” we had no idea that it would evolve into the business it has now become. We were not oblivious to what challenges would lie ahead. Tom’s parents Terry and Diana had been running an engineering business together for over 20 years. As a teenager, Tom was front and center watching them obsess over every revenue detail, sales lead and employee complication. Tom would speak about how hard it was to observe the roller coaster that his parents were on all day, everyday. We swore we wouldn’t go down that vortex but alas, we are learning for ourselves that running a business is an all consuming task.
How do we do it? We don’t always get it right and there have been bumps along the way because Tom and I are both strong, opinionated people. That’s a polite way of saying that we are both controlling “type A” perfectionists. This is a good thing a lot of the time. We manage to get a lot done given a full time job, 3 children, elderly parents living on site, 2 dogs, 12 chickens and about 5,000 plants that need daily attention. But control can be a big problem if not kept in check. We decided this year we needed to divvy up tasks, have a weekly business meeting to cover the next week’s priorities, and take some time to get away from the flower fields. We are doing that most of the time and it has really helped, but there is still room for improvement.
Even when we run into irritations and difficulties with each other (which is bound to happen, especially on a 95 degree humid days), we figure out what is REALLY going on. We slow down and we talk. We talk A LOT. We get to the bottom of the “disagreement” i.e. the feelings (and it’s usually never about the thing we initially disagreed on). We often get to fear. It is usually about fear. And the only way around fear is through it. So we talk more. It get’s resolved. It always gets resolved.
The business is a reflection of the love we feel toward each other and we’re very proud of that. We have crafted it together and we return to our core principles again and again. We often ask each other “how do we want this business to be?” “What people and projects do we want to be associated with?” “ What do we need to be doing to nurture and grow with integrity?” These same questions could easily be applied to our marriage too. There is an interchangeable aspect to them both. We are very aware and clear that the marriage is first. If we nurture the marriage, the business will be stronger, as will our children, our friendships, our pets, well just everything. So we always come back to that. It’s not seamless or easy, but it is real, and we are completely committed, to each other and this beautiful business that we’ve created.