My intention in drafting a blog about our “new tribe” was to recall the amazing people we have met along our flower farming journey. I also intended on writing about how different our lives feel as we develop close connections to flower farmers, designers and customers in general. Don’t get me wrong, it has been an incredible lesson in restoring our faith in people. Working in the legal and corporate worlds for so many years made us rather jaded about people. It has been a transformative experience finding plant and flower loving humans, who are generally authentic, kind and generous in so many ways. That was and remains true.

But as I sit here in the wake of the George Floyd tragedy and watch the protests on television, read articles on systemic racism and try to absorb the vastness of the problem and solution, the word “tribe” has taken on a different meaning. Maybe being “tribal” is part of the problem. Maybe we need to take a look at our “tribe.”

It strikes me that one of the core dilemmas in understanding racism is trying to “zoom out” and ask ourselves deeply troubling questions about humanity and of ourselves. Often we are capable of seeing a problem in a broad sense, but struggle mightily when asked how we have personally, maybe unknowingly, participated in racism. So as I was writing the title of this blog post I got frozen on the word “tribe.” Who is my “tribe?” “why do humans even need a tribe?” “Is everyone allowed to be a member?” If not, why not?” “Does my tribe include diversity?” ”If not, why not?”

Systemic change begins with personal growth. Laws must change, of course. Believe me when I say that, as an attorney, I am a true believer that we can take time to reflect on our own personal role in racism, but without new and enforceable laws, our personal growth has little meaning for those that have been on the receiving end of systemic racism. I tend to focus my energy on the law because I am naturally oriented to it by virtue of my career choice, but that’s not enough. I must also “go in.” I must be open to listening. I must put down any defensiveness and just ask myself questions. I must be willing to say to myself and maybe to others, “I have thought racists things, I have been biased, I have made assumptions about people based on race,” “I want to understand” and “I want to do better.”

I’m not sure why having these conversations with ourselves is so hard. Maybe it’s the accompanying shame that we can’t tolerate, so instead we defend, we minimize our own role, we think about racism in terms of those “other awful people.” I believe that we have to stop letting shame get in the way. Shame keeps us stuck. It strikes me that the opposite of shame is empathy; with ourselves and with every single human being. If we can move toward putting ourselves in the shoes of every other person we encounter, the walls of “other” can begin to soften. We have more in common than we think but when and where we are different, we need to try to see each other with kind and empathetic hearts.

So yes, we have found a new “tribe” as flower farmers. They are wonderful humans and we are so lucky to have found them, but we also need to make some changes so that our “tribe” is more inclusive, diverse, aware, connected, responsible, honest and reflective. We are responsible for doing the internal and external work of tackling bias and racism in our own lives and in our business. And we will.

Next week on the blog…

Man, flower farming is hard work!