Let's have some real talk
Let me start this blog, just so there is no confusion, that Tom and I have a very good life. There are thousands of things to be grateful for and we try to acknowledge those things daily. We do believe that gratitude is the lifeline toward contentment and we strive to live in that headspace most of the time, but admittedly, I fall short regularly.
July and August exhaustion really tests our “contentment” goals. A global pandemic has further tested us. Rotting dahlias who appear to melt in the heat and humidity that has been hovering over our area for weeks has pushed us to the brink. Yesterday, Tom spent 6 hours on this hands and knees tending to dahlias. He came in the house for lunch, drenched in sweat, covered in dirt, and reported to me (busy on my computer working my fulltime job) about dahlia rot, spider mites, bloom malformation, staking challenges and on and on. I wanted to burst into tears. He looked so tired and defeated. Seeing him work so hard and look so tired…it just triggered me.
So yeah, The past few weeks have really put us to the test. Then Tom ran the numbers. It’s not even close to what we were hoping they would look like, you know when we all had stars in our eyes in January about the way we would crush 2020?! It would be one thing to work this hard, be covered in sweat, dirt, and bug bites when the flowers are healthy and selling like hotcakes. It’s hard to stay positive when the opposite is true.
Honestly, we are always living between these two spaces of gratitude and pessimism, especially this year. The headwind of struggle is hard to push aside right now. The only solace we have sometimes is the fact that we aren’t alone. I haven’t talked to a farmer or designer yet who is skipping to bank with their deposits and praising the glorious weather. We are in it folks, knee-deep and struggling.
When I was thinking about all the possible blog posts for this week, I kept trying to devise something hopeful. I then thought “no, that’s not what you’re actually feeling” and then responded to myself, “nobody wants to read your whiny ranting blog posts.” This is the internal conversation many of us have. How much do we reveal to the world about what’s really going on internally? It’s vulnerable to “keep it real” but I just keep prodding myself to do it, believing once again, that I am not alone and that honest talk is better than the alternative.
So, the past few weeks have been hard. We are ready for heat relief so that at least when we’re working hard, we don’t feel like we’re melting too. We are hoping for better days ahead, less sick people, more love, beautiful flowers, time in nature, more money, more hope, and continued connection with our flower community, whom we love. Truly. Maybe a zoom support group is a good idea? Hmmmmmmm
